doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
