she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
BRING THE BAGELS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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