Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
