Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
