I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december