ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....