if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
