oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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