But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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