dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.