Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
