I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
