Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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