Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
