Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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