i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
