i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
