I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize