dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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