do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
