3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
