she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
