We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
