Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
