we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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