3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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