if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
