I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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