Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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