I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
