All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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