Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
