ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
