I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
