i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
