This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
third nipple confirmed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
