Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
