It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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