i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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