I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
