sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
