so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
