how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
