I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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