but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
