Life is so much better after having sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
