Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
