Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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