How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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