Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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