I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Houston, we have a blender
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
