I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
