Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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