This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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