Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
