sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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