Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
