Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
