that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
