I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
