i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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