is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
