Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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