So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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