She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
