I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
