I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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