She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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