Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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