There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
