is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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