if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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