I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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