I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You need a sexual gate keeper
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
