Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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