There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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