Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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