Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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