Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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