I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
