id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
