Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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