I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
